...

I was going to use this space to have a full on rant about the people sat next to me at the hockey yesterday who talked insessant inane shit throughout the whole match, particularly the girl whose feet smelt like they could go lovely with a nice chardonay...

But sometimes things happen that make little inconveniences like that seem so unimportant. My family lost someone we loved and that is a damn sight more upsetting than dealing with some biological weapons grade cheesy feet,

baby fish! baby fish!

One of the platies had two babies (sorry, fry) yesterday. They are so amazing- how can a little fleshy machine 3 mm long actually swim and see and eat? They are also incredible cute. We didn't know that the fish was pregnant, but it's nice to know that the boy fish got his end away (or whatever fish do) before he expired. They were born on our anniversary too, how romantic! Hopefully they will survive and we can watch them grow, they are bigger than the mouths of the other fish so that is a good start. Andy got some neon tetras yesterday too. We wanted black neons but the fish shop has some disease thing going on and the black neons keep dying. The neons are very pretty, sort of iridescent blue and red, but they do clash a bit with the orange platies, dahling.

We are off to the pool tonight, hopefully A can dive without his sinuses exploding. I want to see if I can deploy my marker buoy from the bottom of the pool and freak out the children.

Quicky

So I have recovered from what may have been flu, almost ripping my legs off on a 5 mile ski that was way, way too hard from me, and sliding across the ice on my arse while trying to chase Andy on ice skates. That last one was a lot of fun, actually.

I have been busy writing. My time here is coming to an end (Wyoming, not earth I hope). I could just go and take another soul destroying uni job, but I though I should attempt to get somewhere I want to be first (since apparently if you want to get anywhere in life you have to MAKE it happen).. so I have been busy writing scripts.

I submitted 2 short drama scripts to The Play's the Thing and I am about to send the first episode of The Museum to the BBC, so in about 4 months I should have a rejection from them :(. I genuinely think The Museum is funny, I actually managed to churn out a finished script of sufficient length and I have plenty of ideas for the rest of the series. I'm so rarely confident in my own abilities, but I think if Radio 4 don't want to produce The Museum they are all clearly insane, and I may have to come at them like a laser, like a beam (Sorry, that was for Jacqui).

I am working on a website to promote my writing, I'll try and get it up and running soon and post the link here.

On an unrelated note, Andy and I have been engaged a year today. Tempis Fugis or summat. I ordered him a present but I waited until yesterday so I think the chances of it arriving on time are slim. I won't say what it is incase he reads this. Unlikely I know. He is taking me to Denver on sunday to watch Colorado Avalanche. Go Avs! Assuming he is better, he is pretty snotty today. I feel usurped..

floating upside down isn't a good sign

My favorite fish, the one that trampolined off leaves and had a fascinatingly manoverable *ahem* anal fin, was sick. We decided he was constipated, as he was looking fat and pale and breathing very quickly. After doing a bit of web based research, I discovered a potential cure... Peas!! Full of fibre and fish-friendly! You have to peel them, which I'm not sure is physically possible, but hey, the little guy was worth it.

So I rushed home to get the pan on, only to find him floating upside down just above the gravel. I was very sad. I netted him out and watched hopefully for a bit of 'oy get off' thrashing around, but there was none. After watching him do the toilet bowl free-style, I started cooking, and couldn't balme the frying onions for my watery eyes. It's insane: I've lost relatives and cried less. As Andy pointed out, we had cared for and tried to nurture him. And fed him a huge red flake that probably led to his untimely demise.

We had a mini-wake, well drank some beer anyway. The positive I take from this is that the two females seem healthy, and they hadn't started to eat him. I'm not sure I could have coped with fish canabalism.

On a more positive note, I swam 25m unaided, on my front, and not looking like a, well, dying fish for want of a better analogy. It might not sound like much, but I think it's the furthest I've swam on my front for about 15 years. I have wanted to get good at swimming for a long time, but it's only now that diving is making me more confident that I can try. I was swimming a half decent front crawl, but bloody hell, it's knackering isn't it? You see all those grannys floating serenly around the pool smiling, I wasn't smiling. They must be turbo-charged.

My drysuit literally just turned up- hurray, freezing mountain lakes here we come! That's if I can get into the thing. I hate gearing up as it is - carrying heavy gear, struggling into the wetsuit, struggling to get the tank onto my back. Well, now I have to do all that while wrapped in several layers of restrictive fleece and a plastic body bag. I managed to get the dry hood on with only minor loss of skin and hair, and I felt like all my face was being forced out through a straw. The underware is close fitting, restrictive and hot, and then you have to struggle into the actual drysuit. I stupidly tried to do this in a 70 degree living room, I though A would come home hours later to find me dead from heatstroke. I couldn't quite bring myself to pull the top of the suit over my head, I know for sure I'd never be able to get out without assistance. After about 5 minutes of swearing, pulling and sweating, I finally managed to get the evil thing off. All I have to do now is learn how to put it all on, get my fins on my feet and my tank on my back and figure out how to manipulate small fiddly things like my torch and reel while wearing 5mm thick neoprene gloves. I seriously think coldwater diving is for masochists only.

d'uh...

stupidest thing to say to a 7 month pregnant woman:
'Oh! You're pregnant? I didn't notice. Well, black is very slimming.'

stupidest thing to say to a muslim:
'The bacon soup is very good here.'

I excell myself all the time. To make matters worse, these were both said to the SAME PERSON. She doesn't seem to hate me though, so I think I'm ok.

All the snow is melting and I am very greatful for my enormous boots. They aren't f*ck me boots, more like DON'T F*CK WITH ME boots, which seems appropriate some times.

I'm working hard on my Cambridge application, everyone needs to send good chris vibes to the people at the earth science department and to the sedgewick museum. Unfortunately, A wants to work in Cheltenham. 4 hour round trip each day anyone? No? How about a married couple living in seperate houses? Personally, I'm hoping for an expedious development of practical time travel.

Mmmm.... liquid elephants

I have decided I have a learning difficulty. I'm not talking about the number blindness, it's much more serious that that. It affects my ability to perform important everyday tasks like cooking and shopping. I am gravy-blind . I've been to ths shops for gravy three times, and each time I've come away with a packet of Scandinavian flat bread. I don't know how common this granule-flat bread version of gravy blindness is, but if any educational psychologists out there would like to use me as a test case, I'd be happy to help. Readers, don't under-estimate the debilitating effect a lack of gravy identification skills can have on a life. Imagine all those really dry mince-based meals. Yuck.

I bought some rooibos tea yesterday. I have fancied some for a while, but I've resisted because I find it vaguely unsettling. I couldn't figure out why, but the first time I drank it I went 'yuck', but afterwards I quite fancied another cup. I am enjoying some right now, but I finally realised why it bothers me. It smells like the elephant house a chester zoo. Go sniff some, close your eyes and you'll think you are surrounded by dirty straw.

I saw yellow snow yesterday, I thought it was just the stuff of myths and legends. It was almost as exciting as seeing tumbleweed for the first time. I saw two types- one was a kind of jageddy line (poor dog!) and the second was a deep yellow well into unknown depths.

I feel good today, it's sunny and not too cold, and I walked in listening to Nevermind by Nirvana. It's amazing how the right music at the right time can make you feel so good. I love that about it.

Maybe I should do some work now....

Happy New Year!

So I've been skiving off for three weeks of fun. I had a really nice Christmas/ New Year/ Birthday. If I can remove myself from my jetlagged stupor long enough I can tell you about it.

Andy and I spent Christmas with my parents', which is always really nice because they get excited and argue over who has the most presents and let me eat Guillian Chocolate Starfish (but no hotdog flavoured water) for breakfast. They bought dive knives for me and Andy, and dad visibly winced every time I took mine out of its sheath. I think the potential it has for cutting me out of fishing line or fending off an angry shark might be outweighed by the likelyhood of me impaling myself on it. Nice bit of kit though, oh I do like my gadgets :).

We managed to see a few family and friends this time, and it was nice that Andy got on with Beccy and Mark, it's always good when you can tell your friends aren't thinking 'god what a pr*ck' when they meet your significant other. I even got up to see Jacqui in Scotland. Thankfully, most of the flood waters have receeded so I didn't need to swim there clutching my shiney new dive knife between my teeth. We chatted and drank wine, and she dragged me up a bloody big hill. On the plus side, I discovered I'm not as unfit as I thought, on the minus it was freezing. The wind was so strong it was hard to walk, and much to Jacqui's relief I couldn't talk because everytime I opened my mouth my teeth instantly froze. Which is suprisingly painful. We also had a mammoth Mighty Boosh watching session. I won't be able to hear the phrase 'fiery biscuits' without thinking fondly of her. Although, to be fair, it doesn't come up too often.

We spent New Year at Andy's nan's house. She is very lovely, but I must be getting old to enjoy seeing in the new year sipping sherry and watching hootenany. I am now thinking fondly of bouncing up and down with hundreds of drunk 15 year olds to auld lang syn then some random cartoon theme tune in Stairways back in t'day. I'm not that old- you can't see my wrinkles when I look miserable.

On my birthday we went for a meal. Charley got in touch just in time, which was brilliant because I didn't think I'd manage to see him. We went for a greek (risking the 'food lottery') and I drank to much, but I think a good time was had by all.

My favorite comment of the night was from Adam : This is the first time I've seen you wearing clothes that don't have gortex written on them.' It's so nice when people notice you have made an effort :-P.

I'm now back in Laramie where it is all snowy and lovely. If you like retenal burns and frost bite. It's about minus lots out there. I'm trying to defrost a fish for tea, no bloody chance. Actually it's quite nice because there is no wind chill right now. I am using it as an excuse not to go running though- hopefully we'll get to go skiing soon.

Damn, I've inadvertantly stayed in work until after night fall. Bad things happen to people who go out after dark here, even people wearing sleeping bags with arm holes and snow boots gauranteed to keep your feet alive after even the hardiest of your huskies has kicked the bucket.

I'm going out for a walk, I may be some time. 'Bout 15 minutes usually.

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Most random jetlagged/insomniac thought: could I market an adult version of pin the tail on the donkey called 'p**t in the c**t'? I disgust myself, I really do.