so I've put a lot of effort into living up to my 'you only get one life' philosphy these past few months, and it has really helped- I've been enjoying myself, and I rearly get upset about things that don't matter. Today I made an exception though... I got my corrections back for another chapter. Admittedly, one I knew was a bit weak. Tim's comments were negative as ever, which I could cope with. Then I found the note he'd sent with it, in his scary, aggressive southpaw-psychotic handwriting:
'enclosed are preprints of a couple of papers, written by a PhD student, that are excellent examples of how to present a similar dataset to yours.'
Now, I know he didn't mean it, but to me this says 'enclosed is how to do properly what you are doing a piss-poor job of doing.' The lack of sensitivity really annoyed me. I know I must be a huge dissapointment to him, but you know what? I don't care half as much as I should. I have nothing to prove to myself. I've been through hell doing this phd- its stripped away every ounce of self confidence and happiness I ever had, and thoughtless critiscism is like grinding salt into a raw nerve. But I've rebuilt and become stronger... and happier. One day I might finish my thesis. On the other hand I might not. I'm not ever going back to the black hell that was my life 18 months ago. Nothing is worth that. Now this is on my terms.
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